


the ones who had it all

by blazeofglory



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 10:27:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14282928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blazeofglory/pseuds/blazeofglory
Summary: “This is a bad idea,” Max whispers, though she doesn’t give any sign of stepping away from Eleanor’s embrace.“Does it matter?” Eleanor asks, her voice and lips soft against Max’s neck.





	the ones who had it all

“This is a bad idea,” Max whispers, though she doesn’t give any sign of stepping away from Eleanor’s embrace. 

“Does it matter?” Eleanor asks, her voice and lips soft against Max’s neck. It would be so _easy_ for Max to close her eyes, to stop thinking, to get lost in kissing Eleanor. If she had just a shred less self-control, her lips would already be on Eleanor’s.

Eleanor’s words finally register, and at that, Max heaves a tired sigh and actually does take a step back, Eleanor’s arms falling away from her, and she leans against the deck railing. Max stares out over the dark backyard, at the glowing fire pit and the hazy shadows of their friends all around it. There’s a burst of laughter, sudden and loud, and Max knows that she should go back down there and play at the proper hostess, but… undeterred, Eleanor leans against Max’s side, heavy and warm, and Max doesn’t have quite enough self-control to pull away from her again. 

“Of course it matters,” Max answers eventually, her quiet words almost getting lost in the echoing crackle of the fire and the snippets of conversation that drift their way. She glances at her abandoned bottle of cider resting on the railing and tries to mentally count how many she’s had; she’s lost track, though, and that’s not a good sign. She sighs, soft as the wind, and says, “You know we can’t just jump back into this like nothing’s changed.”

Eleanor laces their fingers together and Max lets her. She tries not to think about how familiar Eleanor’s touch still feels, after all this time. These slender fingers should not be bringing her as much comfort as they are, but. _But_.

“I want to go back,” Eleanor says, low in Max’s ear, desperate, almost _pleading_ , and Max can’t help but wonder if it’s all the alcohol that’s making Eleanor so loose with her words, or if it’s just Max’s presence. They haven’t let themselves be alone together like this in over a year, and it’s shaken them both; at least Max knows they’re on the same page with that. “We were happy back in college, Max-- can’t we be happy again?” 

“Everything has changed,” Max points out, fighting to keep her voice level and not betray the simmering emotions underneath-- the anger, the hurt, the years of loneliness. Eleanor may have loved her, yet Eleanor never really understood just how much it hurt Max when she left. Part of her wants to cry and another part wants to leave and never see Eleanor again, but _somehow_ , the biggest part is still yearning for Eleanor’s gentle kiss. “I’m not the girl you met four years ago anymore, back when you _paid_ to be with me and then left me, after _years,_ for _Vane_.”

“You know it was more complicated than that--”

“Does it matter?” Max counters, voice carefully level as she echoes Eleanor’s own words and undoubtedly makes her roll her eyes. Max usually considers herself above such pettiness, but exceptions can be made for Eleanor being a pain in her ass.

“I know it can’t be like it was, but it could be better,” Eleanor whispers, soft once again, her anger at the mention of Vane snuffed out in an instant. She’s always been like-- burning hot with anger one moment and docile the next-- it used to put Max on edge, but she’s long since become accustomed to all of Eleanor’s quirks.

Eleanor tugs at Max’s arm until they’re facing each other again, and Max lets her do that too.

Max stares at Eleanor and thinks, _this would be easier, maybe, if Eleanor were ugly_. God, Max would love it if Eleanor’s hair didn’t look so soft and if her eyes weren’t so blue and if Max didn’t remember the pretty sounds that Eleanor used to make when Max touched her, back when they spent their nights alone together in a cheap apartment downtown, touching and smiling and laughing together.

If Eleanor were ugly, maybe Max would think about her less, maybe miss her just a little bit less, but… Max’s attraction to Eleanor never was just about soft hair and blue eyes. When she looks at Eleanor now, on this dimly lit porch littered with beer cans and flickering with the lights of the bonfire and lightning bugs, she thinks, _she’s the most beautiful woman in the world_ , but she also thinks, _this is the callous woman that ruined something wonderful and broke my heart_.

The longer Max looks at Eleanor, at the lipstick smudged imperfectly at the corner of her mouth, at the way her hair curls in the humidity, and the way her dark eyes watch Max’s every move, she thinks, inevitably, _I love her, still, somehow, after everything._

Eleanor’s hands are gentle on Max’s face, caressing her cheeks, gentle in the way that Eleanor had never been when they first met. It took a long time for Max to teach Eleanor how to touch Max like she’s something worth protecting, and… Max worried that Vane had rid Eleanor of all her gentleness, but it’s still _here_ , here in the trembling of Eleanor’s hands and the question in her eyes. Max exhales a shaky breath.

Damn it all, but this feels _right_. It feels easy, the way it’s never felt with anyone else, not even Anne, who she had loved so much it hurt, but getting Anne to love her back had been a constant fight that Max never did learn how to win. With Eleanor, they just… they fit together, like the sand and the sea, pushing and pulling but always coming back together at the shore. Max thought, once, that she might drown in Eleanor’s riptide, and that used to terrify her. Now, it doesn’t sound like a bad way to go.

The tide is finally high, bringing Eleanor back to Max, and who is she to push against the currents?

“You have to treat me better this time,” Max says, quiet but firm, and Eleanor breaks out into a beautiful smile.

“I will, I promise,” she says eagerly, and her eyes dart down to Max’s lips, and...

Max leans in, kissing Eleanor, while the fire crackles out in the yard, while someone laughs once more-- Eleanor crashes onto her shores, and Max welcomes her home.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from _Let It Be_ by Hayley Kiyoko!
> 
>  
> 
> Does anyone else still ship Maxanor??? Is anyone reading this????? Am I sending this off into the void???? 
> 
> Please let me know if you liked this!


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